my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Of course I have a pirate flag
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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