she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
