so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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