Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
