...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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