ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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