I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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