Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
