If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
