nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
