last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
