im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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