I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
