The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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