Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
