My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
