tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
