We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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