He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
