This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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