dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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