I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
