What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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