Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
