How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
