Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
