quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
