She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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