i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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