You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize