So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
