i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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