that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
