jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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