I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
