i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
