he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
