No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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