About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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