Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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