the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
