Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
