I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize