Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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