I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
