his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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