My first STD was from a foam party
either way he was missing a nipple.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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