He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
