yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
