I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
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