well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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