He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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