I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
