The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
