So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
