I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
