So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need to sanitize my soul.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Your penis caused this!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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