It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
