i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
