how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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