Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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