3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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