During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
