I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he's gonorrhea incarnate
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
