Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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