just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
