I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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