Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
