this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
