Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
