Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
