My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
