You can't motorboat a personality
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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