the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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