Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
