Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
