At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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