He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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