Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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