I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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