So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize