Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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