Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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