I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
