Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
