there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
