i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
