Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
